16 April, 2010

Devoid

I feel entirely devoid of talent, inspiration, fervor, and creativity. All my heart keeps crying for is for God to just pour out on me and in me.




I want to do things. I want to do something for Him. I want to have purpose, to feel alive and loved. I want to have my life through my lens back. I want this year to be the start of something great. Something must be wrong with me, I feel I am so mediocre. I have settled on so many things.

I want to explode! I want to let myself burst at the seams! I feel like I'm trapped inside myself trying desperately to get out so that I might be passionate about everything I see again. How did I lose that? Do my eyes look dull? Has the glow of my heart become faint?

So many things have transformed into what I never could have ever imagined they would become. I am so hurt and numb. I've let all these situations and circumstances pile up on me and suffocate me and steal my joy. That makes me mad. It also makes me wonder if the people I love the most have seen me slipping away and have become disappointed. I truly hope not. Disappointing myself is as much as I can bear, I have grown so weary.

God, You are so faithful. I love You.

xoxo m

Philippians 4:6
"Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done."

3 comments:

Amy Wolff said...

Mallory,
God has so much for you. Keep pursuing Him and He will give you the desires of your heart. A dream delayed is not one that is denied. I know this firsthand. Keep your dreams always before you. Love you friend!

jenibo said...

I know that feeling, but from the little I know of you, I am certain that you have so much to offer and that God will work through you to show that to others as well. I think you're an amazing person and role model, and I wish you the best for your future with your love. :)

love, jen

Sheila said...

How wonderful it is to know that God is faithful, hey? God bless you. :-)

In Christ,
Sheila