23 February, 2009

a public apology

kimmi, becca, gregory, d, mum, youtube, my youtube pals and the rest of the world,

i'm sorry i've been snotty, and not the way i used to be.
i'm sorry i've not really been around.

i'm sorry i've been tense, and off-the-wall intense;
i'm sorry i've been grumpy,
and wound up, full of stress.

i'm sorry i've been distant and i'm sorry i've been wrong,
i'm sorry i've been less than me and said things that don't belong.

i'm sorry that "malaray" has turned into "malarat",
i love you all immensely and i hope you'll take me back.


basically, i've been doing tons of school and work and letting everything get to me and get me down. i've been rude and annoying to be around because i've been negative, negative, negative! i'm sorry, everyone! i realize now why i've felt so weak and lame and down, i've let the world and my circumstances steal away my joy – how lame of me is that?! i've spent 19 years clinging to God for all of my strength, joy and hope only to let a few annoying months and circumstances kick me while i'm down. (how else did i make it through school last year? God, duh!) i don't have to be down, and i won't! my life is a blessed and beautifully joyous one, and after a talk with leon (the cleaning guy at work) today, and a helpful scripture refresher, i've been reminded that spring is almost here and my hope and joy are renewed. oh, winter is much too long! autumn is my muse, summer is my warmth, spring is my renewal and winter is my dark season. it takes so much for me to survive the months of winter . . . and this one has been extra long. last year nothing could get me down, because i had my joy and my Lord and i was good to go. since then i've encountered some circumstances that have just honestly sucked and gotten me down, i shouldn't have let them.

2009 really IS a year to thrive, like i said about two blogs ago . . . and i will thrive and live and have joy! God is good. i have huge plans and i am going to follow through and soon! God's got my back, and that's all i really need in life. i am good to go. 

basically, this is a public apology to all of you whom i've hurt, let down or been a jerk to. i love you all.

nehemiah 8:10b
"do not grieve for the joy of the Lord is your strength!"


Alex"Westside Productionz" said...

mallory, it's fine :]
I understand how stressful school and life in general can be :S
things will get better. OK?
hope all is well.
miss you.
love you <3 =]

casi said...


casi said...


Anonymous said...

be yourself.
Why would any kind of God have an influence on your day to day life?

Mallory said...

thank you alex and casi, you guys are swell. <3

dear anonymous,
thanks be to Him, my Author and Creator; my best friend and my strength that i CAN be myself. without Him i would be nothing and life would hold none of the vibrance that it does. so that is why my God and my Father has such an influence on my day-to-day life: He IS my day-to-day life. God bless, xxx mal

Anna Feyt said...

How good is God? Every time I think I've managed to comprehed his goodness and love, I realise that there is just more and more of it! It's phenomenal that you can be relying on his strength and joy. I'm pretty amazed by your faith and also by the humbleness of your apology. I should probably be doing a similar thing for the people I know and love.

Thanks so much for your advice on my blog too...I was very emotional when I posted and that's probably not a good thing, but I'm definitely feeling more peace about the situation now.

Great that you're blogging again!