i've fixed my isight, i'm brilliant!

yesterday was such a relief. i was able to confess to jennifer all of the little (and big) concerns, hurts and worries of my little, girlish heart.

i want you to want me, i need you to need me, i need you to want me, and i want you to need me.

my life has taken an interesting turn, as of yesterday. i find it most interesting that demitri said he saw an image of me at the edge of a cliff, looking over a loud and raging ocean. he saw me pause merely a moment, then jump. he saw this image on monday night. i find it intriguing, due to the fact that as of yesterday morning, that's exactly what i've done.

there are many things, reasons and parts that go into this; things i don't feel necessary to share here. but if you could, please pray for me. i'm facing one of the biggest mountains i've ever faced, now. take heart, and do not worry as i do not, because i've got my joy back. surprisingly, i've also a huge amount of peace and comfort. i know what i have to do, but i don't want to. i'm strong enough, but i don't want to be strong enough. i'm not worried, but i almost want to be. it's a very surreal moment in time and i'm not quite sure how to deal with it right now, other than to pray without ceasing and press in, in, in.

there are so many things i want to say and push. i've already said and pushed too much, however, and now find myself ready and knowing i need to pull back some.

i feel once again, as i did in september, that i'm on the verge of something huge. still trying to hear and figure out how to go about it, though.

i didn't do SO well on my test as i had hoped. 54/100, i'm pretty lame and need to focus/study more, more, more.

you may have noticed the blog for anthropology on here, a couple days ago. that's because i've gotta blog for that class weekly and had been putting it aside until this last week. now i've got to do each blog each week, to be able to get the 10 in i need for the semester, and pass the class.

i rescheduled my newspaper meetings until next tuesday, work decided to schedule me again, that tuesday but i asked sammie and she's going to cover me so i can still attend and make contacts.

i'm so excited for spring break. i have 2 days off for the week, due to work, so i won't be bashing around on any superexciting trips or really getting away much at all as the days i have off will be devoted to working on the huge projects that start being due in all my classes as soon as uni resumes. i'm still looking forward to no school. i'll go on at least two walks.

xxx

mal