The worst part is I've been avoiding me. I haven't written here (really written) in AGES and it's been just as many months since I've written (really written) in my own journal. I don't know if it's that I feel like I don't have anything to say or that I just don't know how to say it. That's a lie. I do know. I think it's both.
So many of the thoughts in my head have been blasting themselves megaphone loud that in an effort to keep my head from exploding I've done a pretty good job of silencing them out. The trouble with this is that they still remain there. They've become this dream-like phenomenon as though I'm watching the telly on mute. I can still see the lips of these thoughts moving as though they're trying to tell me something but I'm deaf to what that might be.
Slowly but surely I'm figuring it out again. I've learned over time that there's a delicate balance to how much I post here versus how much I write in my journal. Not just because there are some thoughts that are just too fragile to post all over the Internet, but also that if I write it here (or there) there's only a 50% chance that I'll transpose the same thoughts into the other. It's a frustrating balance because I have such a freedom with my paper journal but also really want/need to just talk to someone about what's going on inside my head. I've had this blog since 2005, but I've had a serious journal since I was 12. Both are extremely hard to walk away from... So I just can't. I have to try to juggle both!
Anyway, that's a thing that's happening.
I've been pretty consistent about writing poetry this past week. I had a dark day (hadn't since written June) but I think I might be back on track again. If you'd like to follow along please do: http://takeastrollwithme.wordpress.com