14 July, 2008

have you ever wondered?

I wish this was the view from my window. It's not, but that's okay. I have a lovely backyard and garden.

Tonight is a funny mood. It's a lonely mood.

Sitting here in my room feels like lonely feels.

Do you know how many people there are in this huge world we live in? See, that's a trick question. The world is small. It really is. But that still doesn't change the fact that there are loads of people living in it. Because there are.

Some days I wish I knew more of people than I do. Today, I'm feeling very blessed because of the number of people I now am privileged to know all over the world. (I know this all sounds like one ginormous oxymoron, but it's not, I promise.) But I just feel kind of feel on the outside of something that I can't put my finger on as well as being on the inside of something wonderful and amazing.

I went to play piano and have no idea how to end this anymore. So I'm just going to leave now.

Have you ever wondered why we do what we do?

Why we share what we share with people?
Why we want other people to know certain things, and why we want to know certain things of other people?

Why do we want connection all the time?
It's kind of interesting, isn't it?

I love it, because I love people and am fascinated by the stories and lives people lead.
But, I also hate it.
Because I know it's impossible for me to be in everybody's life equally.
Whether by their doing or my own.

What I can't stand the most is my luck in that generally the people I want so dearly to be close to don't want me close to them. Either that or I just cannot physically make it so.

I've wondered for sure.
(Have you noticed I wonder a lot? Too much, probably.)

Oh dear.
I get attached to people, much, much too easily.


1 comment:

Carl Weathers' Illegitimate Son said...

I dunno. Those are some pretty fundamental questions you pose there. I think everyone wonders why we are wired the way we are, why some people you just seem drawn to. At least I hope they do.

It's like, earlier tonight, when I texted you about rehearsal. That was totally random and there was no "real" reason to tell you. I just for some reason felt that I should, so I did. And then when I actually thought about it I was like, "haha, why did I tell her that?"

I think I'm going off on a tangent though. haha.

You're totally right that it's a dual edged sword though, the whole connection thing. It's amazing in that there are so many people in the world, and that they each have a story to tell, but it's a sad truth that you will never meet virtually all of them, and you can only stay close with a few of those you do wind up meeting. The rest just drift out.

It's late and i'm very tired so I really don't know if that made any sense. Haha. Let's hope :D

I do know one thing though.

I love your writing.
And your thoughts on things.

Write more plz?