02 September, 2008

Imaginary friends are forever!

My brain hurts.
And the title is the shirt I'm wearing.
"Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends," FTW.

I kind of feel stuck at a stand-still. In a rut, if you will, the way I do when I've spent too much time thinking about future events and not enough time realizing that school is back in 6 days. 6 Days is soon and I need to get my brain in gear.

It's almost like I'm trying to hold off school's beginning at the same time as urge next summer's coming. This is problematic as both are inevitable but holding off/speeding up either is unrealistic.

I've just been generally unmotivated lately.

I think my main brain problem is that I don't really want to take the effort to start at school. The people are annoying, they're horrible at paperwork; I've got too full of a load and my days are going to be very, very long. Plus it's all new. Not that new things bug me or wig me out, they don't. I have handled enough "new" in life thus far that I'm not intimidated by the "new." To some extent. I just wish I knew the campus better right away. That's the one thing that would make everything on day one a breeze.

I want it to be next summer because I'm restless of Washington and I just want to go somewhere else. I haven't been anywhere! I know I'm "young" and "have my whole life ahead of me" but I don't feel like that. I feel old. I feel like I have SO much around the corner and so many things I can look forward to achieving (another degree, traveling, working, etc.) but at the same time I feel like I've accomplished so much that when I get done with school I feel I won't know what to do with myself. I know I will, though. That's why all this jumbled nonsense of typing is irrelevant. I have a plan-plans, I've got an idea of how things are going to be. (Though in my life changes happen momentarily.) But sometimes I just wonder if my plans are going to happen the way I want them to. That's the kind of moment I'm having. I know they will, though, because when I set my mind to something I do it/get it and don't give it up. So, I need to snap out of it. Note to self: SNAP OUT OF IT.

I haven't really been bothered with YouTube as of late. (Have you noticed?) It feels weird. But I think it's because subconsciously I know school is almost here and I've just sort of shut down my "YouTube" side of life already. It's only been a month since I've posted a proper vlog but I dun like it but I just haven't had anything to say (much less clever things to say) as of late. It's unwelcome. I think when school is back I'm going to become more of a blogger than vlogger again. Oh dear.

When school comes (I'm making it sound like the bubonic plague!) I won't be online much at all anymore. Maybe while I'm home studying... but I won't be able to type. I think my only "online" day will be Sunday. But even then that is also prolly gonna be my main "homework"/"study" day. Ha! What a conundrum.

I spoke with Matt last night for the first time since he's been home. It was so nice to speak with him again, I missed him a ton. I ranted at him about all the people in my life who are being wet blankets. He helped me remind myself of some better and truer things and now I feel a little better about that.

Adam has a point in his last blog, however, that the negative comments and words are the ones that really stick. I say: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Wouldn't it be great if more people followed that rule in life? They say for ever negative comment a person hears it takes 5 positive ones to cancel the negative one out. hxc, right? Words are powerful and stick so hard. I wish I was more careful with my words... I need to work on that. I'm sorry, all.

I've mainly been working (radio, Apple); writing letters (I loveeee letters!) and sleeping. (I shower too. Don't you think that's good of me?)

I don't have anything else to say except that on the radio the other day the DJ was talking about saving money on milk. She said something close to: "Want to save some money on milk? Why don't you buy your own cow. They've now got these genetically altered cows that grow no bigger than a German Shepherd and they produce about 16 ounces of milk a day. Only set back is they'll cost ya about $400,000!" Wow, right? I mean, wow. I don't know what I have to say about that other than "wow." That's mental!

Hope everyone who started school today had a good one.
I'm glad I don't start til the 8th.
I'm going to pretend 6 days is a lot longer than 6 days really is.
Yay for alternate realities.

Also, Kimmi and I really ARE working on a new Trock song.
About Adipose.
They're so cute, you cannot deny.

xxx mal


Drew C. Rich said...

I feel the exact same way right now about school. And life. And feeling like I haven't accomplished anything really.

You're right tho. Snap out of it is good advice :]

And sorry if I've ever been one of those negative people. I've said some things in the past that I wish I could take back, so yeah.

Justin said...

Your blogs are always wonderful. I feel the same way with being couped up in Edmonton. I have not left the city in almost 2 years and feel compressed. I need to go places too XD.

The looming doom of school is just killing me :(

Michael Midnight said...

You're so very insightful Mallory. I hope you can get out of this funk, for I know all too well of the pains of being in a funk (it's not fun) and how it can addle the mind. I wish you the best remaining days of summer before school and then a good school term.

Bitte gib mir nur ein Wort said...

Aghhh! I know that feeling so well!

I however, have been back in school since August 27th.=/
It's crazy really! But one more year...=]