03 January, 2009

what to do with hearts that have minds of their own






"restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. show me a througouly satisfied man and i will show you a failure." –edison


hello, world. if you'll pardon me a moment, i am now going to deeply level with you:

i'm frustrated with myself. i'm frustrated with myself because i've been getting upset over silly things, lately. little miss sunshine has been more of a little grey raincloud than anything else and i feel let down.

it's no excuse at all, but i know what's wrong with me. it's restlessness. i am completely stuck in mediocrity and i absolutely hate it! i hate that i hate it, though. i feel ungrateful, rude and bratty by being so. i feel in a million directions, and i can't slow myself down -- i don't know how! i am apt to explode. but, with the patience of God, demitri and my friends i'm working toward getting out of this mind rut. yes, this would be why all the 2009 projects.

-----

my goal of not spending any money this year isn't going so well . . . i need to get better at this now that hours have been lessened at work. or get a second job again. i've been working hard-core on my website. i'm trying to get into this whole business thing, i'm even reading lots of business savvy books. (well, i've cracked two open, at least.) i feel somewhat more knowledgeable. the next step is a logo and then business cards. i'm shooting my friends paul and lindsey's wedding in '10! i'm sooper excited about that. aside from that i'm looking into getting some of my photos onto etsy. i'm also looking at getting postcards and cards printed to sell as well as putting some up for sale as stock art. we'll see how this all goes . . . i am hopeful.

the next things i'm saving up for in life are as follows (in no particular order but most likely least expensive to most):
business license application -- $15
trade name registration -- $20
this bracelet (with 'hello, i love you.' engraved on it; all lowercase.) -- $57
this poster (in either red or charcoal grey.) -- $25
a bikini for summer. -- $25
printing a book of my poetry. -- $whoknows (oh! i should sell on etsy . . .)
a fisheye lens. -- $40–$700 (depending on where purchased. p.s. a lot of fisheye lenses have macro capability. so i might not need two separate!)
a macro lens. -- $80–$1,000 (depending on where purchased.)
portrait lighting. -- $300–$500
macbook pro. -- $2,000
i have grande' ambitions in life, what can i say?


moving on from the money aspects of my life. (man, it has been on my mind so pressingly, lately. makes me crazy.) this semester is almost over. oh, what a joyous day the 31st will be! it will be nice to be back into the groove of having six classes instead of one. -horrible face- at least i'll be done in april. (i accidentally picked all first-half semester classes again, UGH.)

the first weekend in february i'm going down to oregon with d and his lovely family to celebrate his little nephew's first birthday and the 20th birthday of crazy alexi. it will be fun, fun, fun. apparently we're going to the opera. omw, posh!

i'm all one-track minded now, oops! so off i go to read, read, read! gotta think of a better name for my photography business/studio. "malarayofsunshine photography" is much too long and i am intensely serious about getting this show on the road.

xxx m

1 comment:

Inpursuitofcolson1 said...

Mallory, I know how you feel. Stressed out and it seems like God pressed the fast forward button on your life. Don't worry, just stick with things and it will all blow over. Just remember what is real and what's important. You're gonna be fine kid. :) lessthanthree